Stressedddd

So yesterday I had my phone on the counter in the bathroom. and I was reaching for something and knocked it off and it fell into the toilet? cool I know. and now, its going to cost 50 dollars for the insurance claim to get a new one. I am really pissed off. Well, today is going to be interesting anyway. My mother wants to have Thanksgiving dinner today instead of on Thanksgiving, which I don't understand. Weirdo. I hate the animals a lot. I hate Kenai. A lot. I opened the door and she ran out and I was hoping that she would stay out but I guess mom went and retrieved her. Because she is sitting by the computer. growl. Well I have nothing else to complain about really. But anyway.

Mexico!

Hey everyone who follows this. Sorry I have been a slacker and haven't been on in a billion years. School has been really busy and trying to fit everything in to my schedule. I'm just sitting here listening to Come My Lady cause I am freaking bored. Well, to get to the point, Lauren and I came up with a great idea to go to Mexico for Spring Break to go see my Cody Ham. and his fam. cause they are great and it will be AWESOMEEEE. :) I am super excited. The only thing is that we are going to have to raise like, a thousand dollars! Which is INSANE to have to get before Spring Break. I am really hoping that this is going to work out. :( :) hehe. Well tonight is the first night of Thanksgiving Break and I am super stoked for this! because Lindsay ain't got no free time. haha. joke. I think I have way too much actually. silly me. Well anyway I am just blabbing now cause my life is boring so I am going to get ready to go out with Vegas and Brittany tonight. yayyy.

Johnny

Since school started, my life has SUCKEDDDD. I hate school. I wanna go back to Birdville. Or rather move Birdville here? haha. I am really tired right now so I don't know how great this post is gonna be.
So, I joined FBLA...what? haha. So not me. But I wanted to be in a club and stuff so yeah. Were ordering new tshirts in ROTC, and I have to get a tshirt for Johnny too.

On a more important note, a friend from Texas, Johnny Baggett, was diagnosed with Leukemia our Junior year of high school. Right now, everyone is hopeful, but things aren't looking to great. They gave him grim chances at survival, even for a few hours. He has made it past what they gave him, but is very weak. He is now coherent and can hear, and see. They were going to give him a cat scan today to see more of the problem. Supposedly, it is not as much the cancer than it is the fluid buildup in the brain. But either way, I would like to ask everyone who reads this to please pray for him and his family.

3 Month

So yesterday was mine and Daniel's 3 month. :) and it was great. I made him breakfast and it was really fun, and then we watched tv for a while...and then we took a great nap! lol. We went downtown, and walked around and went to Rendezvous Coffee House, and played Boggle and drank smoothies. :) Then we walked around some moreeee and went home to chill for a lil while. We also ended up going to walmart to get a sub sandwich that neither of us ate much of, and went to the park by MSU to drink our Mountain Dew Game Fuel drinks!!! were ballin I know..
haha not much else has been going on. Doing laundry today, and getting ready for school tomorrow.
I bought Crime and Punishment, Pillars of the Earth, and Pride and Prejudice the other day, and I got through a little of Pillars of the Earth and stopped and started reading Crime and Punishment....I can't seem to decide what I want to read. lol.

:)))

its been an okay weekend. Wish it was longer. I hate school.

Today is the day

That the Lord has made...Let us rejoice and be glad in it! :)

Today was aight. This is the first full week of school for me...so not excited. Daniel started school today, and it was like, the most precious thing because he is in college, and was so excited about going back to school. haha. Funny stuff. Its been a pretty crazy past couple of weeks. I had to get a ticket paid, and barely made it on time. School starting for me, and trying to make time for Daniel...it sucks big time. Lauren's birthday is this Friday, and mine and Daniel's 3 month (take 2) is on Saturday. I finally got a new phone saturday, so now I can get a hold of people! I am in the process of looking for a job, and its not going too well. All of the college kids are back and looking for jobs, which can become increasingly annoying. Its like, Go back to where you came from and let us have some jobs...haha I wont be saying that next year.

Last Friday was the most amazing night in a long friggin time. I probably already posted this but I just really don't care...But I got to go to a Shinedown concert in Sedalia. It was so great. I was pretty much into it all night, and then slept all the way home cause I was so friggin tired. :) But I think that I got much accomplished in the headbanging shinedown portion of my summer. :)

Being back at Nixa is pretty much the weirdest thing that has ever happened to me. lol. I don't even know how to explain it. its like, omg, I know this school,but who are all these people. woahhhhh

But anyway, I don't have anything insightful to say. :/
Goodnight world.

School Starting.

Well, Last Wednesday was the first day of school. Its been going pretty well so far, but its a little weird being back somewhere where I used to go. Its really nice though that I can go late on Mondays at 9:45. :) and the rest of the week I have to be there at 9:10. Its great to say the least. I also have no 8th hour, so I get to leave at 1:39...weird time I know. My schedule is
3rd:Personal Finance
4th:Am. Gov't
5th: Star
6th:Algebra 3
7th: World Short Stories

Pretty much the greatest schedule everrrr. :)

And me and Daniel are doing great. We have been trying to make the best out of the rest of our summer. Even though mine is over, He has to start school tomorrow, and he's been uber excited all summer...unlike me. I guess thats what you have to look forward to with college.

This is also Lauren's first year at college. Woah....haha. and its hard to believe that she has made it this far....lol jkjk. But yeah. There's not much really to talk about. I got a new phone finally...and its been great so far. haha. Texttt!

I run to you.

I love you.

I love life.

I love Jesus.

I love Daniel.

I love my mother.

I love my sister.

I love my father.

I love my friends.

I love you.

:)

Summer so far...

is really boring! I have been constantly trying to fill my schedule with something to do.

A couple of nights ago was really fun. Me, Matt, Daniel and Andrew all decided that we wanted to go out to Michael's house and shoot off fireworks at midnight. :) haha. Then we went to Walmart and argued about what toilet paper to buy. We decided on Angel Soft.

Last night we went out to Moonshiners Social Club. first of all, hahahahaha. A place called moonshiners social club just sounds ridiculously like a bunch of hillbilly drunks getting together to sing Willie Nelson til the wee hours of the morning. But instead, it was an actual...social club. It was all old people who go out on the weekends to line dance and get jiggy the country way. haha. But what we really went out there for was to watch this supposedly really good fireworks display. And it was veryyyy veryyy cool. I would upload pictures, but they are on Lauren's camera. So yeah. It was pretty fun.

Tuesday, me and Daniel are leaving to go to Chicago to meet his sister and he is going to get his teeth cleaned for free...funnn. haha. So yuhh.

I am still looking for stuff to do in this po dunk litte town. So yuhhh.

You know, I have been thinking a lot about how people see themselves. I guess Michael Jackson and Jennifer Grey brought this on. Sometimes I look at myself and just see all the negative things about myself. My teeth aren't perfect, my hair is too short blah blah blah. The media tends to make girls look at themselves in a negative image, that we can always be improving the way we look with the next big thing or the next make up product. It makes me sad that so many people's self-images are lowered because of the girl that is air brushed in a magazine. What we don't see in magazines, is the flaws that those girls have too, and how they are just like us when they look in the mirror.
I can't say that I will always love the way I look when I look into a mirror, but I can say that I hope that I never go to the extent to hate something on my body so much that I feel like I have to change everything about my face. Sorry Michael, but nose jobs didn't do you much justice. :(

Your Biggest Fan

I'm a real big fan of yours
But I'm quite the joke to you
But girl it wasn't a joke when you
Kissed me in your room and replied
"I love you too"

I'm a little bit insecure
From all of this mis-treatment
But see I'm workin it out
Workin it out you're so damn hard
When you learn

sha da da da da da da da da da
da da da da da da da da da

I am running out of words
To say to you, wondering why im
wasting my time
Thinking back and won-dering why
I'm such a fool for loving you

And I get to the point where
All I wanted for for us to make up
But its not that easy
Cause girl you move on so quickly
Keeping a boy like me at the edge of his seat

And I know everything you do
Is all about your perfect image
Well I hope this song
It helps your image

sha da da da da da da da da da da
da da da
I'm so over you now

I am running out of words
To say to you, wondering why I'm
Wasting my time
Thinking back and won-dering why
I'm such a fool for loving you

And I was one who thought I was strong
Well you proved me wrong
Now I'm singing along every song
On the radio i dont wanna go
Come on baby tell me
Something I wanna know
Now wanna see what is on my mind
Because slack of motivation is
taking over my time and I'm sick of trying

All together now!

I am running out of words
To say to you, wondering why I'm
Wasting my time
Thinking back and won-dering why
I'm such a fool for loving you

Sometimes I think that life is really funny. Sometimes I think it is unfair. Sometimes I think it sucks majorly.
This is one of those times in life that I feel like life is all of the above.
I really wish my friends would quit making me feel bad about leaving Texas. Since there is nothing I can do about it now and it is entirely too late, I just wish I was getting some space about the whole ordeal.

Leave me alone.

Where do we go in this life? What do we do? How are we to achieve the things we want, know how to get them, but don't have enough in us to reach it? I keep reaching, and reaching, and reaching, and even when I know my arm is about to fall off, I keep reaching. But I keep barely missing. It depresses me.
There is a lot of stuff going on right now. So much is stressing me out. People back in Texas make assumptions to things that they don't know the answers to, and I'm dealing with stuff here.

LEAVE ME ALONE.

I guess is what I am trying to say. If you're not here to be my friend, to let me be yours, to not talk about or judge me, or not try to blackmail me or lie to me, then I guess just leave me alone.

Todayyyy

I am going to get my tattoo. :)

Today.

Is a new day. I spent most of it sitting on the couch becuase my sunburn is hurting really bad. I watched Transformers again because my mom and sister were talking during most of it last night making it really hard for me to hear. Annoying. But I decided to watch it again. :) And now I am sitting in my room taking a break from cleaning and I am writing! and listening to a very awesome band called Muse. :) I heart Muse. :)
Anyway, I have been trying to figure out what to do with all of my stuff. its really annoying having all this stuff and no where to put it. haha. I need to find a dresser, bad. haha. Right now everything of mine is still in boxes. But oh well.
I think I am going to read the Twilight series...again. For the...5th time. I just haven't had time to go to B&N or anything lately. So I guess I will just re-read everything on my book shelf.
One of my dreams, is that one day I will have a huge library in my house. I love to read. I love books. I hope that I will get a good collection going. I really also like music too...I will probably have a bigger music library than a book library though. Kinda sad. lol
Well. I am going to go kill my cat. Write back later.

Boreddd.

It's 130 in the morning and I can't sleep, so I guess I will blog.
I went camping this weekend and got a really bad sunburn. Its been killing me lately. Ready for it to go away. Today seemed like a really bad day as it went on. It actually was a really bad day lol. Me and Daniel drove around, I got sick, we went to Wal Mart so that I could apply for a job, and then we rented Transformers and went to his house to watch it. Then mom called and said that she wanted to take me to dinner at J Parinos. So I went home and we chilled for a little while. Then we left going to J's. Dinner was good. Me and mom had a really good conversation. Then we came home and blah blah blah. not a very good night. But everything turned out GREAT in the end. haha. it was AWESOME. :)))
So yeah. I watched Glee Club for the first time today. lol. I had been wanting to see it and I am glad I finally got to. :) I think I need to go to bed because this post is weird and I need sleep. haha. Good night world.

Well...

I guess if you haven't already noticed, I moved back to Missouri. I guess I can just say that part of it was selfish, and part was needed. I'm living with my mom and my sister now, and it is going pretty well. I miss everyone back home, which is probs the hardest part of leaving. It reminded me of moving to Texas. Not being able to say goodbye to my friends. The people who came to see me were Shannon, Jamie, Natalie, Taylor, Haley, Brooke and Caitlan. I am so thankful for my friends. They care so much and would do anything for me. Taylor, Haley, Brooke and Caitlan made me this BA picture poster collage. It was probably the greatest thing a friend could give another. I will never forget the memories that were made, and I am looking forward to making more. Even though things are rough right now, as far as being content with being without my best friends, I know that I will be able to get over whatever obstacles come my way. I was really sad though, that I was not able to say goodbye to my friends from church. So if anyone reads this, I am looking forward to YOU EMAILING ME since I don't have any Email addresses. :) Love you. haha. But for the most part, everything is going good. I am going camping tonight, and floating tomorrow. :) cant wait.

I am...

getting my hair cut on Thursday. And Iam terrified.

Best Friends

Spring Break Day 3 and 4.

It's been a good spring break so far. Good is okay. I was looking for amazing, fun, friend filled Spring Break 09! But good is okay.
But the more I think about it, the better it was. I got things done, hung out with my uncle, and talked some with my aunt when she wasn't too busy. I mean, being the manager takes a lot out of a person. But the time at the office I spent with Po Diddy, was actually fun. In a weird sort of way. haha. I didn't talk to him much, filling out applications and taking in the luxury of fast internet. That was nice. But knowing that he wanted me there, and that it was fun for me to go to work with him was an odd realization. Most teenagers see their parents as annoying, and rule enforcers, I see mine as a blessing. I mean, really, who could be as Po Did?
But today... Today was fun. Jamie spent the night last night and we had tons of fun staying up late and watching movies. She had to go home at noon, so me and Hay hung out ALL DAY. The most fun I have had in a while. We just had friend time.
I guess the point of this blog is that today when me and Haley were hanging out, it was more than a usual day. When we hang out, it is completely centered around time, when we gotta be where, what were doing later, our plans for tonight. Even though I had to be at drivers ed at 630, It was nice not having a time limit. Getting to be out and just having fun together as girls, and doing girl stuff was fun. Friendship is something we take for granted sometimes. I know I have blown it with a few people that were really important in my life. But today, today was so fun its hard to think about what life would be like with out Haley. Ya know? I know this sounds weird and cliche, but its so true! What would we do without friends in our lives? Our accountability partners and person who knows everything about us. I guess my point is that I am glad I have a friend like Haley. Someone who doesn't judge, and who will kick me when I do the wrong thing. :) Love you.
Peace.

You'd think I'd have something to Blog about.

But I don't. I am sitting up at Uncle Mark's office just chillin. 'Bout to go make myself some hot chocolate.
Let me let you in to my world.
Yesterday, Uncle Mark and I hung out all day for my first day of break. We started off the day looking for jobs, with no luck. Its really hard to find one that needs you. Well eventually after looking for a while, I ended up back at Red Hot and Blue. They offered me my job back, now its just up to Mark and Debbie to give me the okay. So, yes. I found a job. The same one, but none the less, a job.
Then we went to Panera to eat lunch and I saw Emily and Carly Clifton. Sweet sweet.
Then we went home. and if I remember correctly, we did nothing, and then went to Walmart. Sweet day.
My spring break isn't going to be so fun...I have drivers ed every night. Oh joy.

You Found Me.

I found God, On the corner of 1st and Amistad.
Where the west, was all but one.
All alone, Smoking his last cigarette.
I said, "Where have you been?"
He said, "Ask anything."

Where were you? When everything was fallin' apart?
all my days, spent by the telephone. That never rang,
and all I needed was a call that never came.
to the corner of first and Amistad.

Lost and insecure. You found me, You found me.
Lying on the floor. Surrounded, surrounded,
Why'd you have to wait? Where were you, where were you,
Just a little late. You found me, You found me.
-The Fray-

I just wonder what it takes to get a person to this point. Isaac Slade said in an interview, "You Found Me" is a tough song for me. Its about the disappointment, the heart ache, the let down that comes with life. Sometimes you’re let down, sometimes you’re the one who lets someone else down. It gets hard to know who you can trust, who you can count on. This song came out of a tough time, and I’m still right in the thick of it. There’s some difficult circumstances my family and friends have been going through over the past year or so and can be overwhelming. It wears on me. It demands so much of my faith to keep believing, keep hoping in the unseen. Sometimes the tunnel has a light at the end, but usually they just look black as night. This song is about that feeling, and the hope that I still have, buried deep in my chest."

I just thought this was interesting. I was questioning this song. Its one of my favorites and being the nerd that I am, I googled the meaning behind this song. These are the results I got back. I guess I can say that sometimes I agree with him. But I try to remind myself that its not in my control. To keep believing and praying, and God will eventually answer. You can't expect an answer right away. But God will never give anyone more than they can handle. THAT is sometime I truly believe.

peace.

Life as it comes

I don't really know why I decided to delete my blog in the first place. Seems kinda like a dumb idea, because I really liked having one.
So, I start over.
I have been talking to this girl who was in my PALS class, and I love her to death. This morning, I went in for a Hawk Talk Meeting and she was talking to our teacher, Crying. Not understanding but knowing something was wrong, I debated walking over there; trying to get my assignment, instructions, and get out quickly. But as I approached the desk, the tone in her voice made me think back to the tones I have heard those 2 empty times in my life. The tone of Death. I listened, after asking if it was alright. She was sad, and broken. Telling me that her cousin committed suicide, I quickly told her of my experiences with my friend Seth. How I couldn't be there. She told me that she couldn't go to the funeral because it was too upsetting for her. I just recommended this book that Jamie gave me today called, DO HARD THINGS. Im not even sure myself what all it is about, but I am sure it might help. Whether she takes it or not is her decision. But I gave her my phone number and she has been talking to me. I think there was something telling me that I made the right decision. I'm glad I chose to walk into the room at that time, no matter how big of a hurry I was in. She needed someone in her life that cared, and someone who knew her situation. Sure, people can tell you, "I'm sorry. Everything will be okay." But that is not how you feel at the time, and definitely not what you want to hear. I hope she was okay with what I had to tell her, and got something out of it. Things happen and you can't escape them. But you can learn to accept it and move on, and greive in your own way. I hope she will be okay.